Grief is Exhausting

I have concluded that grief is exhausting.  I think back to the days before this extreme loss and think…how did I do it?  Three jobs, parenting, cooking, cleaning (well, maybe I didn’t do much of that).  I now feel tired all the time.  One might say it’s because I am getting older but truthfully, I am in better shape than I was 5 years ago.  I expend so much energy just “being”.  I am exhausted from avoiding the pain.  I even avoid this blog.  It doesn’t help though.  In the end, I have pent up emotions that threaten to escape me at the most inopportune moment.  You are on the forefront of my mind daily.  Even as I vacationed in the Adirondacks, all I could think of is how I wanted to share the area with you.  I knew you would love it there, all the trees and hiking.  “When should we go?”, I imagine myself saying.  But those words will never have the chance to be spoken.  You are gone and I am exhausted.