I decided to stay home from Hershey this year. For about the last 10 years, I have spent New Year’s Eve in Hershey. It was a special time for Harrison and me. We would walk back and forth from the hotel to the street fair. We enjoyed the excitement of the crowd, the food trucks, the music. It was where Harrison learned what black angus was as he lamented over a restaurant not selling a hamburger. I had to enlighten him that the black angus patty listed on the menu was actually a hamburger. Once he tasted it, he smiled and decided all burgers should be made from black angus.
After losing Harrison, I discovered there are so many times throughout the year that I just don’t know what to do with myself. New Year’s Eve has proved to be the biggest challenge. I have tried different approaches; only going at midnight to see the fireworks, going to the street fair but staying in a different hotel. Both felt like a reasonable way to pay tribute to the tradition but neither felt right. This year, I feel like it’s time to move on from Hershey. I need to let go. I feel no uplifting sense of nostalgia being there. Instead, I feel heartache and pain and a deep sense of loss. This year, I will stay at home on New Year’s Eve, something Harrison and I swore against (that meant you were getting old). This year I will push myself through another New Year’s without him. This year, I will collect my thoughts, drink some beer and try to figure out a game plan for next year. A new tradition that doesn’t hurt quite so much. This year, I will say goodbye to Hershey. It was a good run but now it’s over.
I love you, Harrison. I miss you so much. Give me strength to get through this night.