I was doing really well for a bit and then September hit. The slump beings. I relive losing you. Then, I languish over not having you here for your birthday. Throw a dose of “hey, the guy that killed you made parole” and I’m done. I am going to try and snap myself out of it. I do feel it lifting some. Everyone always talks about self-compassion, forgiving yourself for those times when you can’t “be all that you can be”. I guess that is what I need to do.
I have made a decision to move away from this area and all of its memories. I honestly think the prospect of a new start has lifted my spirits. Although, I don’t want to lose the memories of you, I’d rather visit them on my own terms throughout the day, not have them hit me like a brick when I am least prepared. It’s all so complicated. This grief journey is a meandering path, one that I have no choice but to wander down.