I went to prison for you. SCI Waymart. I went to prison to speak in front of a group of 100 prisoners. Re-entrants, they’re called. I’m told that means they are preparing to be released. I guess parolee has a negative connotation. It is an emotionally exhausting experience. I went almost exactly a week ago and only now do I feel like I am recovering. Why do I do this? Because, it’s what mothers do. Just like changing your diaper, cleaning your scrapes, loaning you money. It’s what a mother does. I told myself that if I can reach just one person, I will be satisfied. If one person leaves that prison and does not get in a car while under the influence, then my mission is accomplished. Of course, I have no way of knowing, no way of gauging the impact I’ve had or didn’t have. Instead, I will hold on to hope.
When I finished speaking, one of the inmates came up to me and thanked me. He told me he had a similar story and what I said had an impact on him. He couldn’t say much more. I could see he was choking up. I wished him luck and I meant it. I thought I said, “I believe in you.” but now part of me wonders if I just thought it. That’s how it goes. Your brain gets foggy. It all seems surreal. How can I be in prison? How can you be gone?