Christmas is coming. I took on the task of taking out all of our Christmas decorations this past week. As I sit and look at the lighted-tree, I can’t help but think, I can’t believe I even care about such things anymore. I try to comfort myself. I tell myself these were pieces of me that I know you liked. That you came to expect. Me stressing out over everything looking perfect or Christmas dinner coming out just right. “Ma, relax”, you’d say. I really was a maniac. It all seems so trite now. Do I decorate now with the belief that there’s gotta be something that will make me feel alive again? There’s gotta be something that will bring a little bit of joy to my heart. I see the tree and the beautiful decorations. My heart flutters. I get so excited. Everything looks so pretty. Everything feels so perfect. Wait until I show Harrison, I think. Like an unsuspected slap in the face, it hits me. Oh yeah, Harrison is not here. My heart breaks again.
