Saturday would have been Harrison’s 21st birthday. This one hit me hard. In the weeks preceding it, I was pretty unbearable to be around. There’s no other way to describe it besides, I was just SO pissed off. It’s one those things that lives in the back of your mind. You’re not consciously thinking of the upcoming day but for some reason EVERYTHING is annoying you.
When I awoke that morning, I felt immediately defeated. My heart hurt so bad. It’s a pain that is impossible to describe and I wish no one felt it. I know, unfortunately, I am not alone in experiencing loss. I could hardly muster the energy to make a cup of coffee. I simultaneously had no energy and felt as though I was jumping out of my skin. The thoughts everyone tells you not to have, crept in. Today, Harrison and I would be sharing our first, legal drink together (let’s keep it real, this kid snuck a beer or two to his room and I acted like I didn’t know). The reality of my life came crashing down on me. The reality that there would be no “first” drink together.